(In the 'Cornhill Magazine' Mrs. Alfred Sigwick has been discussing the relative expenses of English and German households, and explains how the German Hausfrau contrives to live more cheaply by economising in food, furniture and dress. 1904)
Oh why did I marry my Dolly?
Just look at the quarterly bills
From butchers and bakers and mantua-makers
And vendors of feminine frills!
Her wildly extravagant folly
All reason refuses to learn -
Oh why am I fated to find myself mated
With such an expensive concern?
Now Grisel, I hear is as saving
As Dolly is just the reverse;
She's thrifty and prudent, a diligent student
Of all that pertains to the purse;
She's blessed with a positive craving
For shrewd economical plans;
No tradesman can beat her, no milliner cheat her-
Oh what would I give to be Hans!
Still Dolly has points in her favour.
Mere justice compels me to state;
I like to be able to dine at a table
That glitters with plenty of plate.
I bar a conglomerate flavour
Of sausage and chicken and pork -
I loathe eating dishes of flesh, fowl, and fishes
With one and the same knife and fork.
Then Grisel's bare chambers distress me;
Her dingy black stove makes me sigh
For the fire that burns ruddy and bright in my study
As soon as the summer is by;
Linoleums always depress me
I crave to be cosy and snug,
And long for a sight of the Turkish delight
Of my own most particular rug.
I can't - to be perfectly candid -
Bear Grisel in evening costume;
With her sad flannel blouses I find that she rouses
A sense of ineffable gloom;
Her woollen stuff frocks may be branded
As shoddy, and - dare I confess? -
I miss all the traces of chiffons and laces
That ought to be part of a dress.
When duns are incessantly calling,
When belances fly like a dream,
When credit is dying, I find myself sighing
For Grisel's close-handed regime.
Still, her feet look a trifle appalling
In coarse clumping boots - do they not?
And when she has got on her gloves of white cotton
I vow that economy's ROT!
(Punch 1904)
